Thursday, October 30, 2008

What's so embarassing about an STD, anyway?

The young, lovely and talented Julianne Hough of Dancing With the Stars has been in the news lately for revealing that she has endometriosis, which caused a cyst on her ovary that need to be removed. This will cost her a couple of weeks on the show, in order to recover, and she wanted her fans to know why she would be temporarily off the show.

I heard this story reported by Teresa Strasser on Adam Corolla's radio show. She then commented on the fact that some people have expressed that this is too much information, or Julianne should be embarrassed about talking about this. Teresa then something along the lines of "Why should she be embarrassed? It's not like it's an STD."

Thankfully, Teresa then said something really quick and sort of undecipherable like "and even if it was that would be ok," but Adam had already begun talking. Like she caught herself and realized that maybe, just maybe, having an STD or STI is also a perfectly valid and normal medical concern which people might be allowed to possibly talk about as well.

I have read that STDs are so common that they come in 2nd place as far as commonality behind the flu! Yet we can't talk about it?

One of the most common topics of discussion amongst humanoids seems to be complaining about our health. Whenever someone has the slightest ailment, they talk about it. They tell their friends, family and coworkers exactly what is going on. Even if it's slightly embarrassing and has to do with nether regions (yeast infections, hemorrhoids). Even if it is contagious (the flu). Even if it has to do with having sex (UTIs.)

Where do they draw the line? Here's what I've noticed. People don't seem to be comfortable talking about problems which are something caused by sex AND are potentially contagious. That combo, for whatever reason, is not generally socially accepted.

For example, I've never heard a casual mention of having caught syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or herpes, even though they are common. We can talk about UTI's (usually caused by sex), but we CAN'T talk about type 2 genital herpes, even though 1 out of 4 women have it? We can talk about cold sores, but we can't talk about type 1 genital herpes, which are caused by the same exact virus that causes cold sores? (HSV1, which up to 60-90% of the population has depending on their age group.) Huh?

One exception - I've noticed it's okay to talk about having gotten an abnormal pap and having had pre-cancerous cells detected and removed, even though that means that they caught a dangerous strain of HPV, a common STD. I have even heard more than one coworker give this as a reason for being out for a few days. (I suspect I would never hear of a coworker being out for a few days because of a primary herpes outbreak.) Maybe this is just because people didn't know for a long time that HPV was the cause of most cases of cervical cancer, and that you get HPV from sexual contact? (since sexual contact is so BAD and all.) Or maybe it's because it is so common that it is just accepted, and people don't think of it that way. ...Or maybe, just maybe, they just don't care that HPV is an STD and they are starting to get over the attitude that STDs are somehow embarrassing and we need to hide away and never talk about having had one.

Ironically, some strains of HPV cause genital warts rather than cancer, but it would be a cold day in hell before I walk into work and hear a coworker complaining of having genital warts. It's kind of strange to think it's okay to talk about cancer, but not warts.

People don't talk publicly about these things because of puritanical attitudes still deeply ingrained in society. But I want you to know it does NOT mean that other people aren't getting STDs. You don't have to feel awkward when one ignoramus makes some stupid comment or joke about STDs. Chances are very, very high that most people who are laughing along are just doing so so they won't stick out or be suspected of having actually had one, or having one. People have sex. They get STDs. They are treated and cured, or managed. Just like any other infection or disease that people get. And that's that. It doesn't mean they are having sex with everyone they meet. You don't have to have sex with everyone you meet to get an STI. It only takes one person, and a bit of bad luck. (Remember, condoms don't totally prevent transmission of herpes or HPV, and these things can be had or spread with zero symptoms.) And many times, that one person is our monogamous partner. It doesn't make either of you a bad person. If you gave one another the flu, it wouldn't make you bad people, either.

Sex is everywhere we look, and people don't seem to be ashamed about having sex. I think they are more embarrassed or self-pitying when they are NOT having sex. So why are they so embarrassed about being exposed to things that come along with having sex?

People have been marginalized in many ways for many kinds of things, and are often gradually more and more accepted until it becomes strange to NOT accept them. I hope that in time, as people can finally face the fact that genital herpes is more common than diabetes, we will get real and just let it go, already. I don't need to talk about it with everyone I meet, but I certainly don't need to feel marginalized for it or that I need to be embarrassed. And I won't.


aj said...

Well, hell. I should be very embarrassed - I had endo and I have hsv2. And... just about everyone who knows me knows about the endo and subsequent hysterectomy, and many know about hsv2. Someone needs to teach me how to carry shame, huh? ;)

LuAnn said...

I've been very open about my Herpes. Why hide it? Of course being hospitalized with my primary OB in the small local hospital I work in with it didn't help keep it quiet! But, for me, it's like talking about getting my gallbladder taken out. Hey, I've got Herpes. So what? My excema bothers me a 100 times more than the herpes.

We have sex. Things get transmitted. Like children!!! A germ being transmitted....why is that such a stigma??? You can get ghsv1 from a simple thing like a kiss for heaven's sake! Nothing sexual about that, necessarily.

When I had my hysterectomy, my nurse friends gave me a 'going away' party for my uterus and made a cake with a uterus and tubes on it that said Farewell Old Friend. It was great!

I suppose I have my own insecurities about some things. But not embarassed about the herpes.

HSV2 Man said...

Great blog!

You left a comment on my blog ages ago and this is the first time I have caught up since then.

I really enjoyed reading your blog - you write very well. Keep up the great work - the world needs more people writing honestly about there experiences on this.

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youngone said...

Thank you soo much. I have hsv2 and I live in a part of the world where it's not nearly as common and just as stigmatic.

I find the disease manageable, what's hard is the shame. The stress, the worry. The things put in place by other people, not the occasional cold sore.

Maybe I should move to the US? :) I could even use the statistic as a pick up line, 'Hey, are you one in four?' *wink wink*

Anonymous said...

thank you.. I found out a few years ago I had HPV... and then a ilttle while later I got my first outbreak of Herpes. I was extremely sad and confused & embarassed by it; mostly it's frustrating not knowing how I got it. I then also got a few warts (caused by the HPV virus) so it was like a triple whammy. I do find some comfort in thefact that it is very common and happens to a lot of people out there. I'm also glad I have the internet so I can see others people stories and experiences, that makes me feel better. Hopefully we will soon get to a point where we can all talk about it & not feel embarassed or judged.


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Anonymous said...

Great blog! Thank you so much for writing this blog.
I have Genital Herpes for about 5 years now and I am still very embarrassed. I really wish I could turn back the hand of time. I cry often knowing that I have given someone else that I love very much a cold sore and he could have given it to other innocent people. I tend to feel very discouraged at times and really wish I didn't have to go through this.
I will never forgive myself.

ashlee said...

thank you. this makes me feel so much more human.

DesiDerata said...

i would just like to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for writing this blog. THANK YOU<3 i just registered and made a blog myself - i hope to write some entries along these same lines.

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Anonymous said...

i hope i didnt give the girl of my dreams herpes .we only had sex once and was very quick since i was on my break at work

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Anonymous said...

I thank you so much for your blog. I've had it for 10 years and I am so very embarrassed still. Mainly because us people with Herpes are always the butt of all jokes...On T.V, in movies, in songs,....I just dont get it.

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Anonymous said...

Well I found put I contracted genital herpes in May of 2012 and I'm still very stressed about it. I mainly feel guilty for not having the guts to tell my partners that I had un protected sex with knowing I had this disease. I justdont know how to approach that conversation. I have told some people and I would like to educate more people and my self on it.IM so embarrassed only because other people think its gross.because as long as I take my medicine I have no break outs so its definitely manageable. Even though I'd rather not have of at all.but I am still staying strong. This blog is helping me right now I don't feel as alienated. Thank you for writing this.

know more about sizegurus said...

The only way to completely reduce the chances of getting an STD would be total abstinence or having sexually intercourse with someone that knows for sure via testing he or she does not have an STD.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say thanks for posting this. I have caught 2 cureable STDs and still have so much trouble with the shame I feel because I've had TWO...not just ONE. Irresponsibility on one, and with a what i THOUGHT was a monogamous relationship with the other.
So thanks, for reminding me that I'm NOT alone.

Autumn said...

It is embarrassing and shameful to have an STD because it makes people think that you have no sexual standards, that you didn't check for signs of a disease, that you didn't wear a condom, that your partner is a liar or doesn't care enough about their and their potential partner's health to get tested, that you are an imbecile for not making them get tested before you had sex with them, and (in the case of HIV and AIDs) that you don't care whether you or the people you screw live or die, and the same goes for your partner. It the inconsiderate, lying, immoral part of it that is shameful, as it should be. And when someone in a 'monogamous relationship' suddenly catches a virus, where do you think that came from -the sky? No, that person cheated on their partner with someone else and brought it back home to pass around the dinner table. And that is completely immoral. They may have just ruined or taken the innocent life of their partner because they wanted to whore themselves around.
Your article promotes the idea that being a whore and getting STDs should be socially acceptable when it never will be. To be that irresponsible is worthy of shame and ridicule.
And what is SO WRONG with abstinence? Is America so jacked up on hormones that they can't use the most fool proof method for not being used and infected and thrown away like trash?

Anonymous said...

Autumn, first of all I'd like to point out a few things that you might not know. Herpes isn't tested for during routine std tests because most people have it and because it doesn't cause any significant health problems other than irritation. You could be a virgin and marry another virgin and if one person has ever had a cold sore in their life and engages in oral sex with their spouse they could get genital herpes. HPV is contracted through skin contact and men don't have symptoms nor are they tested for it. So both people could be responsible, get tested, and use condoms and the woman can still end up getting HPV which can cause cervical cancer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with abstinence. There is also nothing wrong with having sex. It doesn't make a person a slut or a whore if they get an STD as hopefully the info I listed above helps explain. You can get an std from one partner even if you use protection and both people were tested. The author is making the point that if you do have an std it shouldn't be shameful and people should be able to talk about it if they choose without feeling judged as a disgusting whore ect.

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vicky said...

HSV-2 infection has also been found to be more common in blacks (45.9%) than in whites (17.6%). Race and ethnicity in the United States correlate with other, more fundamental determinants of health such as poverty, access to good quality health care, behavior for seeking health care, illicit drug use, and living in communities with a high prevalence of STDs.

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Johnny Shi said...

I didn't know that STD's had become so common. I don't think it is a common thing to think about. If ever I had to deal with something a long these lines I would be careful who I shared it with as well.

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As a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from herpes, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
My husband was diagnosed of herpes in 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he always have Muscle aches, and he always complain of
Painful urination, we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to herpes. I never imagined herpes has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. herpes has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

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muhammad agness said...

I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all HERPES patient in the world i never believed that their could be any complete cure for HERPES or any cure for HERPES,i saw people’s testimony on blog sites of how DR Joseph prepare herbal cure and brought them back to life again. i had to try it too and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually and i had to leave without the HERPES DRUGS the doctor gave to me. Right now i can tell you that few months now i have not had any pain,delay in treatment leads to death. Here is his email: if you need help on how to cure yours.

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Unknown said...

Hello Everyone out there,I am here to give my testimony about a Herbalist doctor who helped me . I was infected with HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS in 2011, i went to many hospitals for cure but there was no solution, so I was thinking how can I get a solution out so that my body can be okay. One day I was in the river side thinking where I can go to get solution. so a lady walked to me telling me why am I so sad and i open up all to her telling her my problem, she told me that she can help me out, she introduce me to a doctor who uses herbal medication to cure HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS and gave me his email, so i mail him. He told me all the things I need to do and also give me instructions to take, which I followed properly. Before I knew what is happening after two weeks the HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS that was in my body got vanished . so if you are also heart broken and also need a help, you can also email him at {}
or whatsapp him number: +2349038382931.
Contact him today and you will have a testimony...Good luck!

Dr. OLIHA Also Cures:
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If you wish to contact me personally here is my email thibautlouis11@gmail. com

Renato Gabi said...

It’s obvious some patients with HIV/CANCER are been enslaved to the antiviral and other supplementary Orthodox medicine just to help suppress the virus and not a cure. I have been with the virus since 2012 until I was introduce by a blogger who also narrated her story online on how she was cured of Genital Herpes after using Dr ATAKUMA's Herbal Medicine. This is a year and 2 weeks since I was delivered from Herpes. All thanks to God for using this Great herbalist to heal me. I have promise to keep telling good about Dr ATAKUMA. Please fill free to share Your problems with him and don’t forget to tell him I did refer you to Him. Thanks. Write him on mail he can cure the following disease and virus .bells palsy,Cancer Hepatitis B ALS. etc

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Anonymous said...

Herpes is very common. Many people don't know their real situation until an outbreak. I would like to share == == a private and comfortable place to meet someone in the same boat for support, date, and love. We all deserve the best.

Mecca Holmes said...

God bless Dr.okoka for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of HERPES since 2014 and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied i needed to get the HERPES out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for HERPES i saw a comment about Dr.ojoka how he cured HERPES with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 7 days later i was cured from HERPES,thank you or whatsApp +2348144172934 he can also cure HIV/AIDS, DIABETES, KIDNEY, GRAVES DISEASE, HEPATITIS, CANCER, HSV UNABLE TO PRENA, ALOPECIA,FIBRO,FATIGUE

Mecca Holmes said...

God bless Dr.okoka for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of HERPES since 2014 and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied i needed to get the HERPES out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for HERPES i saw a comment about Dr.ojoka how he cured HERPES with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 7 days later i was cured from HERPES,thank you or whatsApp +2348144172934 he can also cure HIV/AIDS, DIABETES, KIDNEY, GRAVES DISEASE, HEPATITIS, CANCER, HSV UNABLE TO PRENA, ALOPECIA,FIBRO,FATIGUE

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Anonymous said...

Suffering from herpes virus is a terrible experience because i was told it has no cure,the good news am happily sharing now is the great power behind herbal medication i got diagnosed of herpes virus in the year 2014 and in 2016 i started having outbreaks and it became more terrible for me to bare,One blissful morning i came across a blog comment posted by a man call Thompson on how he was cured of herpes simplex virus type 2 with the herbal medication of (Dr Ehimare)who is a specialist in curing all kinds of std virus and chronic disease with herbs,i immediately copied out his contact mail that was ( and i explain all my problems to him, he was very honest with me and also kept his promise to get me cured with his herbs if i follow the prescriptions he gives along with the medication which i did exactly as he prescribed, to God be the glory My herpes simplex virus i have been suffering from got cured in just 2 weeks after completing the dose of his herbal cure. once again thank you so much sir for restoring my health back and most especially my skin. Please for any who has health problem of any kind should mail him on the email provided above mail me directly for more info,give him a chance and see what he can do.

Falcao Penghan Roland said...

I've had Genital Herpes problem over 1year and. I tried everything, of course I went to the hospital in other to see the doctor. about a hundred times, probably not that many, but it sure seems like it. It never did any good for long and caused all kinds of other issues having to do with taking too many antibiotics. Life wasn't easy for me until I stumbled upon this natural remedy online, which i requested for and it was sent to me here in my country, i was told on how to use them and miraculously just after 14 days my life changed completely. I'm feeling so much better now and all of my symptoms are totally gone. I haven't had an outbreak for over 7 months now, All Thanks to Dr Olori the great herbal doctor, you can reach him on (