Or, I should say, it's all fun and games until someone KNOWS they have type 2 herpes.
Okay, here's what's really getting my goat lately.
Those who know that they have type 2 herpes have a moral obligation to tell sexual partners about it, usually having to take on the huge unrealistic stigma out there and do a ton of educating. Okay, we can agree on that.
But what about the HUGE amount of people who DON'T know that they have type 2 herpes, because they never had an outbreak and they never had the blood test, who somehow DON'T have this moral obligation, even though they have the SAME EXACT VIRUS and present the SAME EXACT RISKS to others who are negative.
Doctors will say, yes, those who have HSV2 must disclose this to partners.
So why don't doctors have that same moral obligation to test their patients for it?
They do NOT include HSV2 in STD testing, and they don't even tell patients that it isn't being included. The word coming to mind here certainly isn't "moral."
Doctors are enabling people to not know about their HSV2 status, and therefore to not tell partners about it.
The reason we are given that doctors don't test for it is that the psychological burden of knowing that you have it is usually much worse than any physical symptoms.
This is wacky, because if more people know they have it, then the psychological burden can start to become a thing of the past. And it still doesn't get around the moral obligation to notify patients that they have it.
Another reason some doctors will give is that the blood test is not accurate, and almost everyone has herpes anyway and will turn up positive. But today's type specific Herpeselect blood test is actually very accurate, and it does clearly differentiate between type 1 (the one 65-90% of people have) and type 2 (the one 20-25% have.)
Okay, so 20-25% of people are infected with type 2 herpes (HSV2), but only about 2% of people KNOW that they are infected with it.
By allowing this to go on, doctors are allowing the outdated and unrealistic type 2 herpes stigma to continue. In this day and age, many people continue to believe that type 2 herpes is somehow rare, or something to avoid at all costs, or freakish, or dirty, etc.
But the reality is, the amount of Americans who have HSV2 is about equivalent to the amount of those who have bachelor's degrees.
I bet you know plenty of people who have bachelor's degrees, right?
You know A LOT of people who have HSV2. Whether you know it, or whether they know it. In any given room, it is 1,2,3, HSV2.
So what does all this mean? I'm guess I'm just pointing out the hypocrisy here. We need to get in touch with reality when it comes to HSV2. It is very common, and transmission can be easily prevented almost 100% as long as you know you have it. The only people transmitting it are almost always those who don't know they have it, or are too afraid to do anything about it or be honest about it or treat it and have their heads in the sand. So go get tested, and ask your partners to, so you can know your status, and what precautions you can consider using.
And if someone is telling you they have HSV2, please know that so many others do as well, whether they know it, or are telling you, or not. Chances are, you have already slept with someone who has it. If you think that it is somehow a dealbreaker, then you are not being realistic or rational, unless you are requiring every single person you sleep with to get a Herpeselect type specific blood test, 6 months after having slept with anyone else (since that's how long herpes antibodies will take to form after exposure.)
Remember that hiding your head in the sand will still leave a certain part of you exposed...
;)
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25 comments:
I cannot agree more. I have recently been rejected my a man after telling him I have HSV2. The same person who said "i'm sorry I am just too scared" also smokes, does drugs, wanted to have sex on our first date...How ironic. He couldn't even deal with the articles I provided, the idea that 1 in 4 women has it was too freakish. I guess Truth is too much to take...And doctors do not help the situation.
Great post, now how do we fight this? How do we get HSV2 testing to be part of the standard tests? I know many people who have multiple partners and say they don't want to know. I guess it just angers me because the person who passed this onto me said he didn't think he had it, and I doubt he's been tested to this day.
good luck on moving this mountain. i appreciate your efforts. unfortunately 2% of 20% is 0.4%. my swab test came up negative. why get a blood test? my life was awesome before i met my ex-girlfriend
Good point, Anon, and you are right that it would be like moving a mountain. Public opinion won't change until we realize that life is still awesome, even after a diagnosis, that we deal with rejection often and it has nothing to do with HSV2. Until those of us who test positive change our attitudes, we can't expect anyone else to. I was diagnosed almost two years ago, and for the most part, my life rocks...
I love this post. I agree with you all. I think testing should be done regularly. People who never know they have this pass it on to people who pass it on to other people. It would be better to just get tested often, especially if you are living a sexually active life.
Kristina
I have no idea what Anon meant by 0.4%. Apparently not one of the people with a bachelor's degree.
Agree with the blog article. If herpes blood testing is included in the standard std screening, the extreme negative connotations associated with herpes will be exploded very quickly.
I just tested positive for simplex I and II (what luck, eh?) five days ago. Thank you for having this blog. Without online resources like this, I would feel so much more alone but I always buy Valtrex Online
This article has really lifted my spirit. I'm only young and have recently been diagnosed with HSV2. Often I feel very isolated because of peoples ignorance of the subject and extreme negativity towards it. Many more of these articles need to be exposed to the public to raise awareness of the hidden disease and clean up the dirty image.
I feel you on this one, I've had HSV2 for a few months now, and the person that gave it to me vehemently denied that he had it, and instead of getting a blood test, he got a useless swab of his very clearly breakout free willywonka. Because HSV2 and similar infections affect my sport (riding) I always got tested for everything I could each month to ensure I wouldn't need to get medication before my season started. The biggest problem I'm having is the stigma. I'm breakout free as of late, and it seems like there just isn't going to be another...but I feel dead. Because I get called 'slut' and 'whore' for having it, its almost as if its worse to admit to having the damn thing than to hide it. I need your help on this, big time.
We really need to be careful all the time. I am diagnose with herpes, it was so uncomfortable the blisters and not to mention the pain. Good thing I have Zovirax stocked on my cabinet. It lessens the discomfort and stops the infection from spreading or worsening. Plus it is safe to take even when pregnant. And when breastfeeding do not take this drug! You can see the complete drug info and other meds at http://medsheaven.com/index.html
Gosh this subject really hits home with me. My boyfriend who "loves me so much" and that I have been dating and sleeping with without a condom tells me "I was so afraid to tell you this because I didn't want to lose you and thought you wouldn't like me -- but, I have herpes and I don't want this to affect our relationship" He proceeds to tell me that he has hsv2 and has never cared for a girl enough to tell until me. I am in shock that he put me at risk for all of those months. I tell him I love him and that we can work it out. But, then of course the TRUST factor comes into my head thinking what else don't I know about this guy. I become a little oppressive and ask him a questions of wonder about his whereabouts etc. Then I find him on match.com - LIVE ON LINE - hitting on women. What a terrible guy right? Then he breaks up with me when I find him. I took it upon myself to have an HSV2 test and sure enough it was too late - he already gave it to me. So people - what is your take on this?? Would love your feedback.
Thank you very much for your post. It is very frustrating to know that most people never get tested correctly and will never know that they have it. I guess I wish I never knew. It is very isolating.
wow your ex is a jerk but unfortunately we've all dated someone like that. dont feel bad about having it. as you can see ur not alone and i kno at first u think youll never have a normal love life but from experience i can tell you that you will! i kno many ppl who are "clean" and cant get a significant other because they jump into having sex and ruin it before it starts. its kind of a blessing because it reminds us we just have to take our time when dating. so once we realize the person we r dating cares about us enough and wont judge us we can be honest with them and of course use condoms. and trust me there are nonjudgemental people out there.
As people get older the odds of having herpes and not realizeing it grow.
My boyfirend dumped me over herpes. When my doctor informed me that by middle age my ex boyfirend probably already had herpes. I told my boyfirend, he freaked. We decided to give him a blood test.
When the test comes back if it is positive for herpres antivirus, the doctor says he is protected. I could not give it to him cause he already got it. My freaked out ex-boyfriend fears he will get it again somehow.
Also My doctor says the latest studies from 2010 prove that HSV1 and HSV2 are the same. He says no one know why people are bothered in one area and not another.
I have herpes and I am an engineer who works for the largest herpes dating and support site PositiveFish. com. I have to tell you a secret, you can choose not to believe me. But the truth is that this site has more than 1,880,000 members and about 80% members are good looking in my estimation.
Unfortunately, STD rates soar worldwide and most people with STDs don't even know that they have them. The government should grant more money for STD education to lower the rates of STD transmission.
I think that the herpes is awful, I hope never have it,the information about it is huge and so easy to get, please be careful about it.
Hi. You have provided a informative post. All the idea shared about the herps is really valuable and helpful to all.
This is really truth all games are really good until we ca get type 2 herpes, that's hard actually I got that disease because of a slot, I'd wish killing her.
I'd really like to see herpes being added to the regular STD testing, or at least it being mandatory for doctors to explain that they are only testing for certain STD's. I wish there was some actual committee fighting for this, or fighting for awareness so that it is not so hard to handle. I've just contracted genital herpes simplex 1 and am having a very hard time with it, but it's silly because it is so common, and the side effects (at least mine) aren't even that bad, the only thing I fear is rejection and that my sex life will never be the same with someone I love.
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This blog is really a great source of information for me. Thank you for giving me such important information.
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Type two herpes isn't that dangerous. type 3 is a really dangerous stuff!
I recieved my HSV1/HSV2 diagnosis in Jan 2011. I was in a rocky partnership with the person I got it from, and I just wasn't ready to let it go. Not only did he deny he gave it to me, but he refused a blood test as well, just an ineffective penis swab, so no telling who he's spread it to now. It's been quite the ride, having herpes. I've found the 1st outbreak to be the worst one, and now, it's just an annoying discomfort--it itches and gets tender, but it doesn't hurt and it doesn't spread, so I feel a little lucky. I've had to tell someone I always thought I would marry one day that I have it, and I felt crummy doing it. While he was super shocked (and a little turned off), I was impressed, because he's actually doing the research to decide, rather than looking at me like I'm filthy, which is what I was expecting. Whether he decides to stay with me or not, is not the most important thing. The fact is, I'm proud of myself for speaking up about my HSV, and empowering a potential partner to decide. I am helping to end stigma, and while herpes sucks (and can seem a very lonely place), honesty rocks!
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